Stopped dating

I’ve been using dating apps like Tinder and Bumble for most of my “late bloomer” phase, from 2018 until today. It made sense to be a part of it, since I was still sorting out what I wanted in my romantic life. But it was in parallel with other means of chatting, both online and offline, that I learned that these are not for me and likely not for the person I am looking for.

Online dating apps, and Instagram (worst app to do that, but it “works”), seem to assume the usual thing: man finds a women attractive, both in body and mind. Then a few others seem pretty too. Then you just swipe the first woman that you are remotely attracted to. You get matched with a few. Even if I’m not ghosted, It felt like a battle for attention. Even if you do take the conversation to another app, the conversation is still shallow. I am fine with starting the convo, that’s expected from us. But I am tired of poking and trying to figure out what they like, their ambitions, anything to spur a conversation. I have always being a incredibly horny hetero guy, but I can’t for the life of me flirt with someone I don’t feel a connection. Let alone propose a date.

But it was not on Tinder, Bumble or Instagram where I found the meaningful connections I long for. It was on Reddit, Discord and even IRC, where I’ve met the greatest friends, colleagues and assholes. Some of these online friends I have met in real life, and they are still the same awesome people I know online. The feeling of having an in-depth conversation is nothing close to what I had before. Personally, the only feeling as powerful as this one is nostalgia. I don’t want to feel like artificially creating a new relationship just because I want sum fuk. I can’t.

A lot of things are going great. I’m back to my studies, and even became a volunteer there. A lot of opportunies are showing up in academia, although I still need to do my own work. I had a brief experience with a IRL job. I am making new friends, and making deeper connections with the people I already know. I almost joined a Dungeons and Dragons RPG group, I just didn’t have the time for it.

So why I feel incomplete?